Post by Erika Landin on Mar 8, 2010 16:44:20 GMT -5
Julie's Draft:
"big Brother is often a difficult game to play inn. It's is important too allways have you're eyes on the prize and nevar loose focuss on teh task ahead with so many houseguests competititions, alliences going on you could get caught up and end up evicted be fore you no it. How ever their are many diferent strageties one can use when playing the game. You can try to win every thing you can or you can through every challenge that comes your way. You never know who can or we'll win so dont ever give up and never go down without a fight."
Corrected Version:
Big Brother is often a difficult game to play. It's important to always have your eyes on the prize and to never lose focus on the task ahead. With so many houseguests, competitions, and alliances going on, you could get caught up in the game and get evicted before you know it. However, there are many different strategies you can use when playing the game. You can try to win everything, or you can throw every challenge that comes your way. You never know who can or will win. Never go down without a fight.
Corrections Made:
1. Capitalize “B” in Big Brother
2. Delete “inn” (It is both misspelled and it is not good form to end a sentence with a preposition.
3. Delete “is” from “It’s is” (repeated word)
4. Use the correct form of “to”
5. Correctly spell “always”
6. Add “to” before never (In this use, never serves in its infinitive form and must have the word to in front of it)
7. Use the correct version of “your”
8. Correctly spell “never”
9. Change loose to “lose”
10. Correctly spell “focus”
11. Correctly spell “the”
12. Period after “ahead”
13. Capitalize “With”
14. Comma after “houseguests” and “on”
15. Add “and” before alliances
16. Correctly spell “competitions” and “alliances”
17. Add “in the game” after “caught up” (for clarity)
18. Change “end up” to “get” (Awkward)
19. Remove space in “Be fore” and use the correct form of “know”
20. Remove space in “However” and add a comma after it
21. Use the correct “there”
22. Correctly spell “different” and “strategies”
23. Change “one” to “you” (Audience is “you” in the whole paragraph and shifts to “one” in that sentence)
24. Remove space in “everything”
25. Comma after everything (Compound sentence)
26. Delete “you can” after everything (the clause interrupts sentence flow)
27. Change through to throw
28. Change “we’ll” to will
29. Period after win
30. Delete the word so (bad word to use when writing)
31. Delete either “don’t ever give up” or “never go down without a fight” (Using both of these phrases is redundant)
32. Capitalize whichever you leave (I chose “Never go down without a fight”
"big Brother is often a difficult game to play inn. It's is important too allways have you're eyes on the prize and nevar loose focuss on teh task ahead with so many houseguests competititions, alliences going on you could get caught up and end up evicted be fore you no it. How ever their are many diferent strageties one can use when playing the game. You can try to win every thing you can or you can through every challenge that comes your way. You never know who can or we'll win so dont ever give up and never go down without a fight."
Corrected Version:
Big Brother is often a difficult game to play. It's important to always have your eyes on the prize and to never lose focus on the task ahead. With so many houseguests, competitions, and alliances going on, you could get caught up in the game and get evicted before you know it. However, there are many different strategies you can use when playing the game. You can try to win everything, or you can throw every challenge that comes your way. You never know who can or will win. Never go down without a fight.
Corrections Made:
1. Capitalize “B” in Big Brother
2. Delete “inn” (It is both misspelled and it is not good form to end a sentence with a preposition.
3. Delete “is” from “It’s is” (repeated word)
4. Use the correct form of “to”
5. Correctly spell “always”
6. Add “to” before never (In this use, never serves in its infinitive form and must have the word to in front of it)
7. Use the correct version of “your”
8. Correctly spell “never”
9. Change loose to “lose”
10. Correctly spell “focus”
11. Correctly spell “the”
12. Period after “ahead”
13. Capitalize “With”
14. Comma after “houseguests” and “on”
15. Add “and” before alliances
16. Correctly spell “competitions” and “alliances”
17. Add “in the game” after “caught up” (for clarity)
18. Change “end up” to “get” (Awkward)
19. Remove space in “Be fore” and use the correct form of “know”
20. Remove space in “However” and add a comma after it
21. Use the correct “there”
22. Correctly spell “different” and “strategies”
23. Change “one” to “you” (Audience is “you” in the whole paragraph and shifts to “one” in that sentence)
24. Remove space in “everything”
25. Comma after everything (Compound sentence)
26. Delete “you can” after everything (the clause interrupts sentence flow)
27. Change through to throw
28. Change “we’ll” to will
29. Period after win
30. Delete the word so (bad word to use when writing)
31. Delete either “don’t ever give up” or “never go down without a fight” (Using both of these phrases is redundant)
32. Capitalize whichever you leave (I chose “Never go down without a fight”